Parentless Woman, Phenomenal Woman
Growing up most of my friends had both parents or at least one of them… I had none. I lost my mum when I was 3 years old. My dad, I had no idea, and honestly for the first years of my childhood, I really didn’t care.
The problems started when I was in my adolescence. My foster mother (my biological mother’s aunty) was strict, probably because my mother had me at a really young age and she was worried I would end up that way, but I hated her sometimes for her iron hand. I cursed God for taking my parents away, cursed my parents for dying on me when I was just a baby, hated myself for maybe being the problem, the reason why no one loved me. Sometimes my foster mum would tell me that when my mum passed away no one wanted me, and that’s the reason why she took me up. Telling this to a 12 year old might have not been the greatest idea. When relatives would come over I would know deep down that they didn’t love me. Everyone around me had parents and I was so sure that something was wrong with me, so I did the only possible thing: I joined the wrong groups, had the worst friends possible, did the most rebellious things, and hated anyone with authority over me.
Suicidal moments would come; I thought I would be better off dead. I never went through with any of the things I thought of, but I would cry myself to sleep on a regular basis.
When I grew older and found out a little about my father and the fact that I have two brothers who, like me, didn’t really know much about our dad , things got better. I shoved everything I felt down, I felt nothing, was loveless, I stopped thinking about the fact that I had no parents, had no friends. I didn't care for advice, didn't care for family.
But now I've started thinking about how I could be a better person, started letting people in on the secret of me being an orphan, something I hated so much. I get along well (sometimes) with my foster mother, my cousins have become my siblings and my older relatives have become my parents.
The people who thought I would be exactly like my mother, people who thought that, like her, I would not live to 20, people who thought I would never make it in life, well ha-ha to them, because yes, in most ways I am like my mother: dark ebony skin and beautiful. I laugh like her and am sure I love like her. I have made it in life, trying to at least, and I know I am going places.
Now a few people know that I am an orphan and that's a start. Though at times I am still afraid that I will one day end up alone with no one to be by my side or to love me, I pray everyday that my life is filled with people who love me. I have surrounded myself with so many friends and I keep getting more and more.
‘Cause I am a parent-less woman. Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that's me."