Vulnerable Woman, Phenomenal Woman
I was always taught to be self-sufficient and have my own. As a result, I consider myself to be a strong and independent woman.
So it came as a surprise when asked one day, “why are you troubled waters in the ocean of life?”
In the back of my mind, I knew it was in reference to my lack of verbally expressing my needs and realized I could not conceal it anymore. I did not like to be vulnerable and would do any and everything to avoid it.
Going along with the theme of the question, I replied “because I don’t know how to swim.” Up until that pivotal moment, I held my emotions inside and never asked for help. I would write down my thoughts as a release, but they were still there mentally. Subconsciously, I knew there was an issue, but was too young to know it was called vulnerability. In a way, I am glad this creative question opened my eyes to accepting the many sides of me.
It never occurred to me that I was neglecting my vulnerable side by ALWAYS placing myself in the “protector/helper” role. I was known as the strong one, the advice giver and protector but oftentimes kept my problems and issues to myself.
I believe it is because I blurred the lines of ‘complaining’ versus ‘venting’ and learned to solve my own problems. My thought process was that if I can fix a situation on my own, I will, and if I got myself into something I will get myself out. I never wanted to burden others with my issues, however minor or major they seemed to me.
In order to find balance between my strength and my vulnerable side, I had to get rid of my pride and ALLOW others to help me, instead of being stubborn.
This process of opening myself up has taken over a year to achieve, but it is a daily process and I am still learning ways to find balance.
I realize there is strength in vulnerability, and it is a part of everyone. It is OK to open yourself up to the universe and ask for help. I can still remain the “protector/helper’ role, while remembering not to neglect the vulnerable side of myself.
'Cause I am a vulnerable woman. Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.